Thursday, June 28th 2012
The Smell of Raid in the Morning

There was  a particularly hormonally charged point in every pregnancy in which I became very aware of my irritability. The tip off was that I wanted to start calling those phone numbers on the backs of trucks – the ones that say “How is my Driving?”

I wanted to call those 800 numbers and report exact license plates and discuss at length how terrible the driving was. ALL THE TIME.

I am having a (non-pregnant) stage of irritability. I became aware of it yesterday when I became enraged at the flies in the house.

It’s West Texas. There are flies in the house every summer. I am laid back about flies. I might kill them with Windex, or I might just tell myself that their lifespan is 14 days and I’ll wait em out. I can be patient.

Correction: I COULD be patient. Before. Not necessarily now.

Yesterday I was chasing down the flies. A can of Raid flea spray in one hand, and a bottle of windex in another. I was turning on lights, luring them into rooms, and then running in and shutting the door behind me, locking it, and YELLING with LARGE AMOUNTS OF ACTUAL ANGER at the flies that I would kill them. And then I did. Over and over.

The boys have been angst-y. Not kind to one another.  Seth-6yr is afraid I’m going to die an early death and then stresses about who will take care of him.

We had a meeting.

I discussed my deranged approach to flies and suggested that perhaps I was really bothered about something else and that was just a good way of expressing it, but maybe if i deal with the REAL issue then the flies can reproduce and irritate us and live the full 14 days in  peace in our home.

And maybe the boys could discuss their real issues and then they could stop being awful to each other as well.

But I kept getting sidetracked because TWICE a fly had the nerve to zoom through our meeting and the boys witnessed my insanity and Seth-6yr nearly got Raid on him because, MOVE CHILD, I HAVE A FLY TO KILL  AND YOU’RE IN MY WAY.

Ethan-12yr mumbled something about the flies would be having nightmares about me.

We all discussed our Real Issues. I was upset that we were all figuring out the “new normal” when I never thought we’d need to do that. I thought we had all signed up for a wonderful, committed, intact, Christ centered, faithful, two parent marriage that was kinda ALWAYS supposed to work through good and bad, better or worse. And it wasn’t that. But THAT is what I signed up for. And THAT is what it should have been. And the fallout from it not being that makes me want to terrorize flying insects and SCREAM.  And then I think I’m probably extra bothered that Mike and Kim-18yr are on a 9 day cruise that started in Spain and went who knows where else because I sure didn’t ask. Not that i wanted to be on that trip. I don’t. I didn’t. It’s not that.

Seth-6yr came into my closet yesterday morning and said, “mmmm! What’s that smell? It smells good!”

“Raid.”

“Oh. Pretty.

And oddly, yes. Raid flea spray in the purple can has a very pleasing scent. It’s leftover from last year when the entire house had a revolting flea infestation and it took me FOREVER to eradicate them. It’s effective on flies. So the whole house smells of Raid.

Ah, the Raid scented home.

Pretty.

 

 

~hm

4 Comments on “The Smell of Raid in the Morning”

1
Mysti
June 28th, 2012
10:13 am

{{hugs}}

No matter how sure you may be of your decision when it comes to divorce, no matter how justified you might be, you will still feel that moment of “This was *not* my PLAN people!!! WTHeck!?!” and it’s frustrating and painful and annoying and argh! inducing. Know that it’s normal to have those feelings, and experience them, and through experiencing them, move through them. I think it’s amazing that you’re able to recognize it so quickly, and I just wanted you to know that I’m proud of how you’re handling this thing. Hang in there kiddo. It ain’t easy, but you will get through it, and it *will* get better. And if it means the demise of a fly population around here? Works for me.

2
Tvp
June 28th, 2012
11:02 am

I totally agree, your doing a great job working thru issues you have when something falls apart that shouldn’t have. Then on top of it all the other person out enjoying themselves with another person that also made life miserable is REALLY hard to handle. Its hard and it seems totally unfair, BUT God is so faithful, he will bring things to light, What’s really nice is God can handle our anger and He knows the truth even if others don’t.
Love ya girl

3
Kelsey
June 28th, 2012
3:06 pm

Mysti,
thank you, and well said! this has been slow motion though. i just kept it all inside and thought about it all for years before doing or saying anything. so… it may seem fast. but not. : ) and you’re welcome about the flies.

tvp,
WHOAH…! Well when you put it like THAT… it all makes so much more sense. no wonder flies are dropping like flies around here.

i had a lovely counseling session after writing that. i am all zen now. as long as a fly doesn’t come near me. I have a course of action and am SO much in a different place than this morning. weird how quickly that can happen, huh?

4
Tvp
July 2nd, 2012
5:44 pm

Haha, I just read what I wrote and i probably should have taken my fizzy pills and happy water before I wrote that!! That’s what my kids call my menopause junk!! Ha… None of it makes sense!! I see why you needed a counseling session after reading that!! Lol

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