There was a particularly hormonally charged point in every pregnancy in which I became very aware of my irritability. The tip off was that I wanted to start calling those phone numbers on the backs of trucks – the ones that say “How is my Driving?”
I wanted to call those 800 numbers and report exact license plates and discuss at length how terrible the driving was. ALL THE TIME.
I am having a (non-pregnant) stage of irritability. I became aware of it yesterday when I became enraged at the flies in the house.
It’s West Texas. There are flies in the house every summer. I am laid back about flies. I might kill them with Windex, or I might just tell myself that their lifespan is 14 days and I’ll wait em out. I can be patient.
Correction: I COULD be patient. Before. Not necessarily now.
Yesterday I was chasing down the flies. A can of Raid flea spray in one hand, and a bottle of windex in another. I was turning on lights, luring them into rooms, and then running in and shutting the door behind me, locking it, and YELLING with LARGE AMOUNTS OF ACTUAL ANGER at the flies that I would kill them. And then I did. Over and over.
The boys have been angst-y. Not kind to one another. Seth-6yr is afraid I’m going to die an early death and then stresses about who will take care of him.
We had a meeting.
I discussed my deranged approach to flies and suggested that perhaps I was really bothered about something else and that was just a good way of expressing it, but maybe if i deal with the REAL issue then the flies can reproduce and irritate us and live the full 14 days in peace in our home.
And maybe the boys could discuss their real issues and then they could stop being awful to each other as well.
But I kept getting sidetracked because TWICE a fly had the nerve to zoom through our meeting and the boys witnessed my insanity and Seth-6yr nearly got Raid on him because, MOVE CHILD, I HAVE A FLY TO KILL AND YOU’RE IN MY WAY.
Ethan-12yr mumbled something about the flies would be having nightmares about me.
We all discussed our Real Issues. I was upset that we were all figuring out the “new normal” when I never thought we’d need to do that. I thought we had all signed up for a wonderful, committed, intact, Christ centered, faithful, two parent marriage that was kinda ALWAYS supposed to work through good and bad, better or worse. And it wasn’t that. But THAT is what I signed up for. And THAT is what it should have been. And the fallout from it not being that makes me want to terrorize flying insects and SCREAM. And then I think I’m probably extra bothered that Mike and Kim-18yr are on a 9 day cruise that started in Spain and went who knows where else because I sure didn’t ask. Not that i wanted to be on that trip. I don’t. I didn’t. It’s not that.
Seth-6yr came into my closet yesterday morning and said, “mmmm! What’s that smell? It smells good!”
And oddly, yes. Raid flea spray in the purple can has a very pleasing scent. It’s leftover from last year when the entire house had a revolting flea infestation and it took me FOREVER to eradicate them. It’s effective on flies. So the whole house smells of Raid.
Ah, the Raid scented home.