Tuesday, July 17th 2012
Divorce and Boots

The legal approach to this divorce has a specific name. A name i will not tell you, so that you cannot google it and possibly have a more definite opinion on the matter. But. It means that we are all friendly and civil and work together and informal and we have lots of confidential meetings and negotiations and it’s supposed to be the friendly way to divorce. You aren’t supposed to tell people that you are doing it this way, or listen to ANY other opinions, legal or otherwise.

That’s what they tell you when you join a cult, too, I think, but I’m going with it.

(And the delaying issues of the process are not reflective of this approach, but of something else entirely.

The ‘ divorce team’ (ew. like, can we have matching jerseys, too?) consists of Mike and I, our attorneys, a neutral mental health professional, and a neutral financial expert. We met today at the financial expert’s office. It’s in the same office building Mike’s business used to be in. It was a cold morning and rain sprinkled the windshield while I sat in the car, dreading what was ahead. About five years ago, I’d sat in Mike’s bright yellow office, overlooking that same parking lot. We were discussing retirement plans for us, and he was explaining the arrangements he wanted to make that would provide for those years. While he talked that day, I looked out at the impossibly bright afternoon. The pretty white gazebo at the courthouse is across the street. The same courthouse where, after I’d adopted a young girl, we’d posed for a happy family picture. I wore a truly questionable shade of lipstick. But I thought we were happy.  I thought we’d raise that daughter together, and do it well. I thought we’d make use of those retirement arrangements when the time came.

Same office building. Same view.  Different day. Different weather. Different arrangements.

No marriage. No husband. No daughter.

But. Lipstick I will not regret.

It’s not much, but let’s go with it.

Oh, and also, I never have joined a cult. So there’s that, too.


*a boot collection note, inspired by previous commenters:

i’m cheap. (As caden-8yr so charmingly told me this week.) I generally get my boots on ebay in the dead-hot of summer so that I get a really great deal. You can too! (That’d be… NOW. ) Don’t be afraid of boots on ebay. As with all things, just sanitize and maybe offer a little prayer of blessing that covers you in case they belonged to a serial killer and then you’re good to go.  I’ve bought new ones on ebay, but my latest were a darling little pair of fringed vintage suede ones. The only boots I ever regretted buying were old gringos that were gorgeous, and colorful, but I paid retail for them (?!) in Santa Fe in the middle of a snowstorm because Mike was all for it and I told myself I wouldn’t care that they had roses on them. But. I did. I HAAAAATE roses. I finally gave them away just so I could stop flinching at the sight of them in my closet. Don’t make a similar unwise boot purchase. Be sure what you want, and then go find it for an off-season, extremely cheap ebay price and then be thrilled. Good plan, right!?






5 Comments on “Divorce and Boots”

July 17th, 2012
8:13 pm

How can I be sure that the boots I find on Ebay will fit? I mean, I fall in love easily, but the regret later when they blister, crease, and pinch is somehow not worth the low price.
Jan recently posted..Dickens’ Fairy Tale

July 18th, 2012
5:40 am

A lovely picturesque yet comical description–the gazebo, the yellow office, the sweet little new family. You’re so talented with words and explaining awkward feelings.

Did you mean literally five years or just felt like five years? I’m really bad at math but my head kept whirling around that number trying to make it fit what I’ve read of your earlier blogs. See, if I had it in book format, it would be so much easier to sit and read. Then I’d KNOW all these things. I can just see your cover art. It would look just like this blog–which I love.

July 18th, 2012
9:16 am

Jan… I think my own comment got spammed. I’ll find it.

I’m terrible with #s! You’re right. That woulda been more like 8 yrs ago with the retirement conversation. And the adoption was another, less sunny, day well before that.

July 18th, 2012
9:34 am

it mighta been more than 8. i have NO idea. i remember the sun. the conversation. the view. the yellow paint, and the two animal heads on the wall next to me, which were killed in new mexico which would have meant it was after kim moved away… yeah, i’m not good at timelines! (it’s hard for me in fiction, too.)

WOW that was a fun trip to the spam comment folder! i didn’t find my earlier answer about boots, but there was one from thermodynamicheating, and i was all WHAT? YOU CAN CHEAT, THERMODYNAMICALLY NOW?! What is the WORLD COMING TO? And what does that even MEAN? Wait! REALLY… WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? But that’s just a spacing issue and i guess it’s “thermodynamic heating.” whatever.

about boots!
i have horrendous ballet-mangled, bunion-y feet. as with all footwear, i go with brands that have reliably fit me comfortably in the past. there are tons of darling brands of shoes i will NEVER buy online or in store because they are not made for my kind of ugly feet. If i want boots that are new, i’ll try them on in a store. then ebay them. for so much less. often, this can be done with boots that aren’t technically new, but the style is a perennial favorite in that brand. you can try on the latest version of that brand’s style, and find older (often unworn) versions of the SAME style and trust that they will fit the same.
There was a fluffy, ugg-like (but not ugg, because i do not croc or ugg) boot that i wore for three years until they wore completely out. then i ebayed a replacement. it was the newer, updated version of that exact boot and they fit just like my old ones that i loved. score.
So. know your brands. know your feet. try on in stores. shop off season. it’s also my favorite time of year to get cute, colorful, printed coats. because some fools actually list them on ebay now and i’m the only person in the country who is cold. so it works out well for me.

July 18th, 2012
4:34 pm

Great advice about the boot issue. Thanks for the suggestions–I’m gonna try it. I have a pair of uggy boots (diff. brand) and I will be sooo sad when they wear out. Nice to have hope of finding another pair!
As for the thermodynamicheating? I have absolutely no idea what that means or might mean.
Jan recently posted..Dickens’ Fairy Tale

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