Thursday, August 9th 2012
Dog Business

I’m spattered in primer. And I have Elmer’s wood filler in my cuticles. But y’all are understanding and do not seem to mind when I show up looking scruffy.

I’m tired. Duke needed to go outside at 4ish this morning. This is not unusual. Not a big deal. I can let the dog out, and in, and never wake up fully. It’s a cultivated skill. But THIS morning when he went out, he saw that the sprinklers were on, and he turned around and came right back in. “Nevahmind. I am afraid of water.”

It didn’t occur to me to let him go out front.  Or to try again in a few minutes. Instead, I stared at the ceiling and listened to a large, restless, labrador try to pretend that he didn’t really need to go outside and twinkle. For several hours. I told him that if he accidentally got wet in the sprinklers, he’d eventually dry out and it really wasn’t that big a deal. Fur does dry.  I told him if he just twinkled on the side of the house, I wouldn’t mind just this once, because at least then we could both go to sleep, and that way he wouldn’t even have to step foot on the grass.

Then I stared at the ceiling some more, having lost a middle of the night negotiation with a dog.

He’s better. He used to be even more neurotic. Now that the beautiful and fearless Callie is here, he tries to act like a normal dog and he can usually pull it off. Before Callie, he wouldn’t do his backyard business at ANY time if there were roofers working on our roof or on roofs nearby with a view into the yard.

And that may sound funny.

I ASSURE YOU, IT IS NOT FUNNY.

Roofers work some LONG hours. And their workday is longer than the amount of time that Duke can cross his little chocolate furry legs and pretend he doesn’t need to go. But that’s what he’ll do. All day. Every day. Until the roofers go away. When we had a new roof put on in 2009, the dog didn’t do his business normally for weeks.  Our roof took 3 weeks.  (Don’t get me started on that.) Several times a day, I had to put a leash on him and walk him far enough away that no one could see him. And then he’d go.

And, griping the WHOLE way, I’d walk him back to the house and thoroughly resent that he wasn’t more normal and doglike.

My mother would say, “oh come on. If the roles were reversed, you’d be the SAME way.”

“Uh….? Thanks, Mom. But I’m not the dog, so I don’t have to twinkle in front of roofers. HE TOTALLY SHOULD.”

That was 2009.

In 2012, I had a new roof put on after yet another crazy hailstorm demolished it, and picked a company that said they’d be done in less than 3 days. THANK YOU.

But.

Callie. Gorgeous, fearless Callie is here in 2012. And she runs out and is like, ‘hey! roofers! OVER HERE!” with a few barks, and then she does her business when she knows she has an audience. She’s a showoff.  Duke doesn’t want her to know what a total moron dog he is as  he is still trying to keep that a secret, and so he goes and while the roofers might be looking at Callie, he does his own thing in a shadow real quicklike.

AND THANK YOU, CALLIE.

If only you’d needed to go out at 4 am today, I’d be completely thrilled with your good influence.

~hm

2 Comments on “Dog Business”

1
Geekwif
August 9th, 2012
5:55 pm

Too funny. My dog is more like Callie. Someone’s coming up the driveway? She’ll get right in front of them and do her thing. Razzie is far from shy.
Geekwif recently posted..Double Dopplegangers

2
Mother T
August 10th, 2012
6:36 am

My dog, Sparky, would be the one trying to climb the ladder to bite the roofers before doing his business. He’s got two spots in the yard that are the ONLY places he will go, and may God protect anyone or anything that gets in his way! His particular nemesis is thunder. If it is thundering he’s not going outside to do ANYTHING!!! My hubby will put him on a leash and walk him around the block if there is thunder, sometimes that works, sometimes not.

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