Friday, August 24th 2012
Quiche for One

I didn’t sleep, didn’t remember to eat (so I’m all shaky and icky feeling), and I made the neighbor guy mad from quite a distance. Not my best day. BUT. I did manage to mow the lawn and buy something SO inspirational that says something like “get up, be amazing, go to bed.” i don’t usually buy stuff like that. Ever.

But i think today was totally an exception since I’m doing SUCH a bang up job on life’s simplest tasks and just maybe that sign would help.

The neighbor guy has been trying to reach out and be neighborly ever since he moved in. And I avoid him with everything within me. He seems perfectly nice. Nice family. Pretty wife, cute kids. When I see him coming, I do not hesitate to go inside and close the blinds. he got the hint. (the hint being: THIS CHRISTIAN LADY IS SERIOUSLY NOT NEIGHBORLY. GO AWAY,QUICKLY AND NOW. IN FACT, SHE’S PROBABLY NOT CHRISTIAN. LIKE, AT ALL.)

I’m totally good with sending that message out into the world right now.

Today, i was on the mower and the lady who worries me GREATLY power-walked by. I decided today was the day I’d try to talk to her. For years I’ve seen her. She power walks, frantically, for 20 minute walks 3-5 times every single day. She used to be really healthy looking. Now she’s skeletal. Her skin is leathery tan sinewy stuff over bones. I worry. I pray. I try not to jump to any conclusions, but something is wrong there.

So I mowed, keeping an eye out for when she would power walk back by and I tried to catch her when she did and talk. I don’t know what I was going to say. “hey, I’m an idiot and forgot to eat today. come in and let’s eat quiche and you can eat with me to keep me company and i’ll add extra cheese and  calories to yours and pray over it freak-style before i hand it over to you…?”

See. I’m bad at social crap.

I have the heart, I suppose, but that’s where it stops. Maybe that’s because I’ve waved off — and even held up one hand in a “stop” signal – to the neighbor who seems to want to give me a little social conversation practice. But I didn’t want to talk to him.

I wanted to talk to the woman whose shrinking frame has been bothering me 3-5 times a day for years.

But she didn’t stop. (I guess I had THAT coming: Reap. Sow.) Maybe it was the ipod. Or maybe she just wouldn’t stop.

 

And across the street the neighbor guy raised his hands, palm up, like “SERIOUSLY?! YOU TRIED TO FLAG THAT WOMAN DOWN AND TALK TO HER?”

His annoyance was clear.

I hoped mine was as well.

i do not care about the neighbor guy. Sorry, God. I DON”T. i don’t want to talk to him. And I know it’s my own hangup, but I don’t want to hear, “And how long have you lived here?” type small talk crap, because what I will hear instead of what is ACTUALLY said  is a judgmental, “Where is your husband?” Not that he would say it. But I’d hear it.

I do not want to play nice.

I’m wrong on this one. I KNOW. I’m just telling you where I am, even though I know it’s wrong and why and scriptures are coming to my mind, too, thanks, and quote em if you want. It’s okay.  i try to keep it real, even if the real is wrong.

sometimes when i get all “i should be TOUGH” feeling, i try to do stupid stuff. like, workout til I throw up. Or eat red meat, like a MAN. even though I’m not a man, much less a MAN, and vegetarians should not do crap like that because then they get sick.

 

I will not add those sorts of mistakes to my day. I’ll go eat quiche. Alone. Since the neighbors here are SO NOT SOCIAL.

 

~hm

5 Comments on “Quiche for One”

1
Jan
August 24th, 2012
3:56 pm

It is admirable that you want to befriend the power walking woman. On the other hand, you are denying your neighbor the same opportuniity to express interest and concern about his neighbor. Are we our neighbors’ keepers? I don’t know. I do know how good it feels to me, after receiving so much interest, prayer, and blessing, to be able to pass it on to someone else.
Jan recently posted..Dickens’ Fairy Tale

2
Sarah
August 25th, 2012
6:13 pm

I love you keeping it real.

I love quiche.

And neighbors? Meh.
Sarah recently posted..Thursday Random

3
Geekwif
August 25th, 2012
6:33 pm

You know how you are thinking about the running woman? How you are concerned for her because of something you noticed about her and are reaching out to her because of that concern? You’re not being judgmental or criticizing toward her. Something about her touched your heart and made you want to reach out and help her, right?

What if the neighbor guy is thinking the exact same thing about you? Maybe he and his lovely wife noticed the way you shied away from them just like you noticed the running lady’s excessive running and stretched, leathery skin? What if they’re not being judgmental or criticizing toward you but are just reaching out to be sure that you’re okay?

Or maybe he just noticed that you have three boys and thought they might like to play with his kids some time. Which would give you more time for things like eating quiche and painting furniture. :)
Geekwif recently posted..Cloud Pictures

4
Michele
September 20th, 2012
9:36 am

I’ve sooo missed you. I don’t know how I manage to disappear for weeks without remembering to stop in and see what’s going on down in Texas at Kelsey’s place. This post felt like a reassuring hug. I just love you. You’re so refreshingly honest about what’s going on in your head. You sound so much like my husband and other people I know with your social anxieties, but you’re so self aware of what’s going on in your brain. My husband is oblivious to any reasons for why he behaves as he does. Why he hates crowds or random strangers or other drivers or whatever. Why he doesn’t want to ‘mingle’ and welcome people at church. But you seem so analytic about every happening. It’s like reading a live action human psychology book. You’re like a self anthropologist. Is there such a thing as self-anthropology? I don’t know. I’m probably being ridiculous. It’s just different and refreshing. You’re so lovable. I really am surprised you don’t have your own movie yet. With Reese Witherspoon starring as you. Did you hear they’re making a movie about ThePioneerWoman.com lady? That may just be a rumor.

Well, now that I’ve made myself sound like a slobbering crazy stalker, I guess I’ll stop. I’ve missed you. I hope you’re doing well and everything is going great for you!

5
Michele
September 20th, 2012
9:38 am

I really like what Geekwif has to say.

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