Monday, October 15th 2012
Unconventional Housewarming Gift Idea

Looking for a place to live.  I’d like a small, inexpensive rent house where I can save and rebuild my (who knew? i don’t even use credit cards) TERRIBLE credit. I just want to save and work part-time doing who knows what, and then buy a little house in a year or two, maybe three.

That goal is how I came to be at a small rent house last week with a friend and a dubious landlord type named Paul.

He seemed completely flustered by my tall gorgeous friend and couldn’t unlock the door. For TWENTY MINUTES. We were polite and then said we’d wait in the car “to warm up.” Finally he figured out how keys and locks work again and the house was fine. Not great, but I’m not looking for great.

As we were leaving he wanted to talk about the home’s  previous  tenants. At this point I’d already mostly decided that this house would work for me.


Paul, the Dubious Landlord Sort, changed my mind. He looked at my friend’s feet (he’d already looked at everything else earlier) and asked her shoe size.

He said a girl who lived there before had left a large box of shoes behind and they might fit her. She was a ‘dancer.’

As soon as he said ‘dancer,’ I yelled, “STRIPPER!”

I’m sorry, but COME ON NOW.  I turned to my friend and reminded her that she HAD just been saying she wanted a new pair of boots, and then I sweetly asked Paul if there were any boots. There were.

He thought I was serious. He doesn’t know me. I love shoes more than the next girl, but I was actually pretty annoyed with him for offering my friend used stripper boots and thinking this was appropriate, or even generous. DON”T OFFER MY FRIENDS YOUR USED SKANKY STRIPPER BOOTS, IT WILL MAKE ME MAD. SHE DESERVES BETTER, HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THAT?!

She said, “Well. I could really use a pair of stripper boots in my life right about now.”

He thought she was serious. He doesn’t know her. But his eyes lit up in a way that I’d prefer not to have noticed.

We got out of there. The house was fine. The house’s history and now extra suspicious looking carpet stains were NOT okay, nor was the idea of Paul the Dubious having a key.

Couldn’t possibly raise my babies there.

I’m still looking. I’m ignoring texts from Paul, and am completely confident that the place we end up will be exactly where we’re supposed to be.

I’ll find it. It’s out there.



3 Comments on “Unconventional Housewarming Gift Idea”

October 15th, 2012
12:06 pm

Can you say “ca-reep-y”? I get the heebie jeebies just reading about this guy. Definitely not good landlord material.

I remember when the Geek and I were looking to buy our first house. We were looking at fixer-uppers, and there were some frighteningly suspicious stains in some of those houses.

Here’s hoping and praying you find a lovely, comfortable rental home with no suspicious stains, in a safe location and in your price range with a non-creepy landlord.

October 15th, 2012
12:08 pm

I’m just glad you weren’t looking at this house alone with Dubious Paul. Good luck finding the perfect place!

October 15th, 2012
6:02 pm

Maybe he thought your tall gorgeous friend was in “the business,” and would appreciate free boots and shoes.
Hang in there. Your right place is out there somewhere. Maybe you can find a lease to purchase deal, where your rent would go toward your down payment.
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