Tuesday, November 27th 2012
Anatomy 101

Last night Caden-8yr yelled at me from another room, “MOM! ETHAN-12YR SAYS WOMEN DON’T HAVE WEENIES! IS THAT TRUE?!”

I walked into the doorway of the living room and tried to gauge the “just messin’ with ya” vibe that often follows Caden-8yr pretty closely. But it wasn’t there. He didn’t see me, standing there, staring at him.

So he kept yelling.

“BECAUSE I THOUGHT ONE TIME I SAW YOURS.”

I stood there, silent. Mouth fallen open.

He stared at the ceiling a moment and then yelled, “WAIT. NO. NEVERMIND. THAT WAS DAD.”

At that point I found my voice and screamed from the hallway, “NO! I! DO! NOT! HAVE! A! PENIS!”

He looked completely shocked that I was standing there, and that I had said the word ‘penis.’

Then he said, skeptically, “Really?”

And I said, “OH YES, REALLY.”

And he said, “Then where does the twinkle come out?” He smirked as if he’d caught me.

I couldn’t help but wonder about that extremely detailed study his class had done on the human body and also where those books were that explain these things that i KNOW i gave to him. I know I gave them to him because a couple months ago he asked me if babies come out my HINEY. And then he got worried I was going to have a baby and I reminded him that it takes a husband AND a wife and then he seemed to have NO clue what I was talking about and so we went over it all again.  In detail. How babies are made. And how they don’t come out anyone’s hiney. I gave him the books. Said we’d review soon. Then we moved and I forgot and suddenly remembered I shoulda revisited this subject sooner, yaknow, when he seemed incredulous over my outlandish claim to be penisless.

With Caden-8yr, you have to get fairly detailed. A LOT. And he’s really direct. And there’s no way he’ll let you off any difficult conversation for any reason. So he repeated, “Where does the twinkle come out?”

(That’s not a difficult question. That’s not what I meant.)

I was wearing jeans and an old t shirt, so I did a dramatic grand plie and pointed to the general area.

He gasped. Then giggled. Then said, ‘NUH UH!’

“WHY HAVEN”T YOU READ THOSE BOOKS?!”

“Oh! They’re still packed.”

 

I unpacked them today. Caden-8yr has a special reading assignment. There will be a quiz later. And there will not be any tolerance for usage of  the word “weenie.”

~hm

3 Comments on “Anatomy 101”

1
Sarah
November 28th, 2012
4:57 pm

I have tears streaming down my face. Thanks for the laugh, oh my goodness. I have two girls and it is SO funny to me how different they are from your boys.

Hee-larious.
Sarah recently posted..I went against everything my mother ever taught me and took candy from a stranger.

2
Teresa
November 30th, 2012
5:00 pm

Thinking about you. Stopped by your blog to see how you were doing. Moving is the pits but seems like your settling in well. Love the penis story!!!!! (Ya know I like all those words…..It’s the nurse in me!) Caden always makes me laugh. Hope things are getting better for you. Miss seeing your smiling face.
Love ya

3
Jan
December 11th, 2012
5:30 pm

The other night, Wick as using the computer, and I heard him laughing out loud. When I asked, he started reading this post to me. He was so tickled!
Jan recently posted..Uncle Hardy, Big Tex, and Santa Claus

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