Tuesday, November 27th 2012
Anatomy 101

Last night Caden-8yr yelled at me from another room, “MOM! ETHAN-12YR SAYS WOMEN DON’T HAVE WEENIES! IS THAT TRUE?!”

I walked into the doorway of the living room and tried to gauge the “just messin’ with ya” vibe that often follows Caden-8yr pretty closely. But it wasn’t there. He didn’t see me, standing there, staring at him.

So he kept yelling.


I stood there, silent. Mouth fallen open.

He stared at the ceiling a moment and then yelled, “WAIT. NO. NEVERMIND. THAT WAS DAD.”

At that point I found my voice and screamed from the hallway, “NO! I! DO! NOT! HAVE! A! PENIS!”

He looked completely shocked that I was standing there, and that I had said the word ‘penis.’

Then he said, skeptically, “Really?”

And I said, “OH YES, REALLY.”

And he said, “Then where does the twinkle come out?” He smirked as if he’d caught me.

I couldn’t help but wonder about that extremely detailed study his class had done on the human body and also where those books were that explain these things that i KNOW i gave to him. I know I gave them to him because a couple months ago he asked me if babies come out my HINEY. And then he got worried I was going to have a baby and I reminded him that it takes a husband AND a wife and then he seemed to have NO clue what I was talking about and so we went over it all again.  In detail. How babies are made. And how they don’t come out anyone’s hiney. I gave him the books. Said we’d review soon. Then we moved and I forgot and suddenly remembered I shoulda revisited this subject sooner, yaknow, when he seemed incredulous over my outlandish claim to be penisless.

With Caden-8yr, you have to get fairly detailed. A LOT. And he’s really direct. And there’s no way he’ll let you off any difficult conversation for any reason. So he repeated, “Where does the twinkle come out?”

(That’s not a difficult question. That’s not what I meant.)

I was wearing jeans and an old t shirt, so I did a dramatic grand plie and pointed to the general area.

He gasped. Then giggled. Then said, ‘NUH UH!’


“Oh! They’re still packed.”


I unpacked them today. Caden-8yr has a special reading assignment. There will be a quiz later. And there will not be any tolerance for usage of  the word “weenie.”


3 Comments on “Anatomy 101”

November 28th, 2012
4:57 pm

I have tears streaming down my face. Thanks for the laugh, oh my goodness. I have two girls and it is SO funny to me how different they are from your boys.

Sarah recently posted..I went against everything my mother ever taught me and took candy from a stranger.

November 30th, 2012
5:00 pm

Thinking about you. Stopped by your blog to see how you were doing. Moving is the pits but seems like your settling in well. Love the penis story!!!!! (Ya know I like all those words…..It’s the nurse in me!) Caden always makes me laugh. Hope things are getting better for you. Miss seeing your smiling face.
Love ya

December 11th, 2012
5:30 pm

The other night, Wick as using the computer, and I heard him laughing out loud. When I asked, he started reading this post to me. He was so tickled!
Jan recently posted..Uncle Hardy, Big Tex, and Santa Claus

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