1. I accidentally deleted “Big Break Greenbriar” episodes before watching them. I have no idea if the guy whose mouth doesn’t move when he speaks won or not. I kinda hope not.
2. No. I don’t play golf. But I like to watch it on television sometimes. It’s just so soothing. Especially if you don’t understand it.
3. I don’t understand it.
4. My financial picture is… not as agreed. Like, not at ALL.
5. I’m not sure why this doesn’t worry me MORE than it does. But I figure it’ll all be fine. Eventually.
6. I got a precious little minimum wage retail type job I just adore. I’ve never worked in retail. I have much to learn. And the people there are NICE. Like, ALL of them. It’s only a few exits away from the kids’ school and they are more than happy to work around my schedule so that I’m only working when I don’t have the kids.
7. Why is it so surprising to meet NICE people? Why do I expect everyone to be awful? I need to adjust this.
8. New favorite food: brussel sprouts. LOVE them. Mom makes them. I experimented with the frozen kind and WOW but that was nasty.
9. Remember when I was going to paint my bedroom pink? I changed my mind. I painted the bathroom pink. (yes. in a rent house. without asking. the bathroom that has dark sage green tile everywhere.) And I got another color for the bedroom and didn’t ever try it out until today, and SURPRISE, apparently I was in a lavender mood that day. but that’s okay. It’s on the periwinkle side of lavender. But…. interesting. I like it. I think.
10. the paint store people almost kind of know me and are NICE. they want to talk about family and business and dogs and paint and schools and weather.
11. have either lost 7 pounds, or my scale is messing with me.
12. according to my fat jeans, it’s my scale messing with me.
13. which is mean, because i’m working out all a lot again and that’s just not right.
14. i have lettuce cravings. A lot. it didn’t start until i stopped being a vegetarian. WEIRD, right?
15. if you have lettuce cravings, which you indulge, you should totally lose 7 pounds. But i didn’t.
16. sitting in a depressed, staring, motionless state for months on end is apparently quite fattening.
17. who knew?
18. i have this AMAZING book in my head that would really like to be written. but i don’t have the mental energy for character development or OH MY GOSH, thinking up other people’s imaginary emotions and conflicts. UGH. too caught up in my own real ones still.
19. One day, maybe.
20. It was a gorgeous day. It’s a sweet life I’m so grateful to live. I don’t want to waste any of it on bitterness or anxiety. Some days that’s far more realistic than others. All days, it’s a worthy perspective.
21. Did that sound all profound and philosophical? Let me translate.
22. Last night a friend sent a text saying she’d gone to a divorce support group. And it was depressing because she listened to everyone’s stories and no one’s were as awful as hers and mine.
23. We laughed at this until it hurt today at lunch. We like to discuss our current divorce stress and then laugh about it and pray about it and cry about it and then laugh about it some more and maybe swear about it… but mainly we laugh. It’s a coping mechanism against bitterness.
24. Yes. I was eating lettuce.
25. You can’t drag me to a support group like that. OH MY GOSH. I get nervous just thinking about it. Which was probably why I was not even invited.
26. i was not terribly supportive. I texted back, “WHAT? WHY? YOU DID WHAT?! YOU WENT WHERE?”
27. And then I laughed. Because i knew it was going to be funny.
28. It WAS.
29. I’m not criticizing such groups. I apologize.
30. No wait. i think i am. But I’m sure there’s good stuff that goes on there. It’s just that the thought of it gives me hives but i’m sure it’s great for other people. who are not me. yes. that’s what i meant.
31. that’s also the sort of thinking that makes you say, “HEY, boss type people, if you ever need me to like, take out the trash, or go clean a bathroom or do stuff that has nothing to do with all of those pesky customers you have….? I’d love to, thanks.”
32. apart from that, i’m like, really good at this job.
33. no i’m not. i’m just trying to be positive. but that was just dishonest. more truthful: i’m totally hardworking and teachable and glad for the opportunity and will convincingly fake smile at humans when required.
34. hopefully, without lettuce in my teeth.
5:00 pm
I’m glad you’re meeting nice people.
And if you have a friend you can laugh with, cry with, pray with and discuss the swear-worthy details of your divorce with, then you DO have a support group. It’s just smaller. Looks like it works for you.
I hope you get that book out sometime! I’d love to read it.
5:06 pm
It’s quite possible to lose fat and gain muscle and show no channge on the scale, but see it in how clothes fit–did that make any sense whatsoever? Wick and I started the eating plan in Trim Healthy Mama, after Jeana started it, and he has lost 5 pounds. I’ve only lost 3. In three weeks.
Excited about your new job! Retail takes some getting used to. so glad they will work around your kids’ schedule.
Please. Write the book. Please.
Why is it my comments to your posts seem to always turn into post-length remarks? I don’t run off at the mouth on anyone else’s blog–just yours. Sorry. I can’t seem to help myself. i always seem to have a lot to say to you.
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11:32 am
Please write the book! I will be first in line to buy it the minute it hits the shelves! Promise! I know it’s hard to write when you’re not in the right frame of mind, but it could also be therapeutic to get into a different part of your head, away from the icky thoughts.
Good luck with the retail job! I hope you love it. I worked at an adorable little children’s boutique for a while, and while I wasn’t very good at it, it was one of my favorite jobs – SO much better than dreary office drone.
I wish I had lettuce cravings instead of doughnut cravings! Doughnuts … sigh.
9:47 pm
You should at least start writing the book. You can flesh out the skeleton as you heal. Actually, it might be a part of the healing process.
Jobs, they can be useful in more ways than one. My lowest paying job was at a bank. Even though it paid diddly-squat and a lot of the people were rude, I loved it in a lot of ways. My donut shop job was the same way.
We will be passing through next weekend. My husbands exwife wants to go see dear step-son at Wayland. She misses her boy. It will be a one day trip, so 4 hours there and 4 back I don’t think we will have time to stop. But I want you to know everytime we pass through I think of you and pray for you.
8:59 pm
Yay for nice people and decent jobs! I continue to hope for awesome things for you & your boys. (Mis-typed that buoys the first time).