1. Ladies who commented on the previous post: The NRA and i both love you. (Sara, I love you anyway. The NRA does not.)
2. Also? Um… wow.
3. The GIFT! The one that arrived from Amazon and was all mysterious that Jeana reminded me about? That was a workout dvd from my very oldest friend, and was not intended to be a Christmas gift at all. I think I had mentioned (or griped or complained or panicked) my distress over a muffin top. I forgot to open this perfect little gift at Christmas anyway, what with the large-ish amount of drama with death and possible jail time.
4. Large-ish drama of death and possible jail time at Christmas can suck the Christmas Fairy RIGHT ON OUT OF A GIRL.
5. My friend. He died. I do not want to discuss it. But I will say he was a wonderful, direct, often offensive, and fantastically wonderful person and I’m sad at the thought that he is no longer here. The “i’ll never hug that person again” stuff gets me. He was particularly wonderful at hugging. Most people really aren’t. I’m not. Not compared to him, anyway.
6. Thank God for the enforceable nature of legal arrangements, for that can be motivational.
7. I am not nearly as concerned about the cost of gas or food or electricity. It’s a beautiful thing, being able to pay one’s bills, AND AN EXTERMINATOR, THANK YOU, FINALLY, OH MY GOSH. To be able to repay family members. To be able to paint Caden-8yr’s room and to not worry about who is calling.
8. I know who is calling now. The ONLY person who calls on the land line is someone with some mental retardation issues and he always asks for someone who happens to share the name of Mike’s first wife. This guy calls all the time. He has called all the time for… 2 years? Yeah, I think so. Sometimes I talk to him about who he is and what he wants out of his life and why he keeps calling and he knows I’ll never say that she’s here. But sometimes I see it’s him and make a screaming sound and then ignore the ringing phone.
9. This guy is fascinating to me, in his persistence. He has YET to give up after years of the same answer. He just keeps calling. I wonder if he’s just a little slow or if he’s full on stalker-ish of this girl. He always sounds SO disappointed when I say that he has the wrong number and he realizes he isn’t going to get to talk with her. And then again. In five minutes.
10. I should have changed my phone number when I moved.
11. Maybe I should tell him that my almost ex-husband was married to that girl FIRST before he was married to me and then I could give him that number.
12. Maybe I won’t do that. Maybe things are REAL BAD already without my doing that.
13. Ethan-12yr just complained that Seth-7yr punched him in the nuts. I said, “you do not have nuts.” To which Caden-8yr replied, “mom. it’s a PHRASE.”
14. “Yes, Caden-8yr, I am aware of that. And it is an incorrect phrase. Tell me the correct word, please, that you learned in That Book.”
15. He said something I cannot possibly spell, but it was probably a contraction between testicles and icicles. More than 3 syllables. A lot more than 3 syllables. It sounded… cold.
16. I went to church with HolyCousin when I visited her. LOVED it.
18. One minor thing.
19. I suppose everyone does communion differently. I don’t know. I haven’t attended many different churches or kinds of churches. I was studying their procedure though, and then SURPRISE there’s an usher from behind, like, WAY before I was through studying the people ahead of me. Who has social anxiety….? OH YES, that’s me.
20. So I wasn’t READY when the usher came up from behind and offered the tiny little cups of grape juice and you don’t take them and hold them and then drink all at once in a little bit…. you do that rightthatsecond while he stands there and then you put that little cup BACK in the tray and then he moves on.
21. Riiiiight. That’s not that difficult.
22. Except that I got thoroughly confused and picked up an almost empty one and drank it -because he’s waiting – and then put it back and realized it was almost empty because that was somebody’s Backwashed Holy Spit Grape Juice I just drank and not a, like, NEW one.
24. I didn’t spit it out. I did look around at the people behind me and wonder who I had just gotten a little too intimate with and hoped that they weren’t sick.
25. If you’re at one of those churches (and it was lovely, aside from this): I think there should be a system in place. Like, take a cup from the MIDDLE, put it on the outer edges. Or something. Not just all willy nilly, let’s maybe get free and easy with germs at communion time and pick up any cup and put it back anywhere. Communion should be about the amazingly awe inducing sacrifice made by Jesus Christ for each of us… and when it instead becomes about backwash, it’s a problem. ALSO? DRINK IT ALL. Do NOT leave yours half empty (it’s the size of a thimble ANYWAY) and there won’t be any problems. No one likes grape juice, THAT’S NOT THE POINT, drink it all ANYWAY.
26. I didn’t get sick. Everything was fine. GREAT church.
27. I chased a woman down in a mall to ask her about her boots. They were really cute.
28. HolyCousin tried to explain how great that was and that was totally a social interaction. But? Whatever. It’s not. I have no problem chasing women down and discussing footwear. That doesn’t count.
29. Of course I’m not getting those boots. I’m celebrating with paying my own utilities this month, not with boot purchases any time soon. I’m like that. But old habits are hard to break, and I knew I’d never forget those boots if I didn’t ask, and they’d haunt me forever.
30. They were Vince Camuto “Bollo.”
32. Titus Welliver. Geez. No, that had nothing to do with anything. I think I got distracted by #31 and that’s just where I went with it.
33. i need to make dinner. THERE IS FOOD. There is energy to like, do stuff with food. Seriously. Life is looking up.
34. I baked a CAKE the other night. SHUT UP, I DID. Gluten free rum cake for a sick friend who is GF and likes rum. It was a variation on a cake my stepmom made 20 years ago that I still remember and loved and she made it for me at Christmas and WOW was it good. There were witnesses. That I baked something. The other night.
35. Unfortunately one of those witnesses was Duke, who walked around and acted all shifty and nervous until I snapped at him that “YES. SOMETIMES I COOK. GO SIT DOWN. ALSO? WHY DON’T YOU ACT LIKE THAT WHEN SOMEONE IS AT THE DOOR WANTING TO BUY CRACK? THAT WOULD BE SOOOOOO MUCH MORE HELPFUL THAN WHINING TO MY MOTHER THAT I HAVE A MEASURING CUP.”
36. I love that dog. I really do.