Monday, January 7th 2013
It’s a List and It’s Long

1. Ladies who commented on the previous post: The NRA and i both love you. (Sara, I love you anyway. The NRA does not.)

2. Also? Um… wow.  

3. The GIFT! The one that arrived from Amazon and was all mysterious that Jeana reminded me about? That was a workout dvd from my very oldest friend, and was not intended to be a Christmas gift at all.  I think I had mentioned (or griped or complained or panicked) my distress over a muffin top. I forgot to open this perfect little gift at Christmas anyway, what with the large-ish amount of drama with death and possible jail time.

4. Large-ish drama of death and possible jail time at Christmas can suck the Christmas Fairy RIGHT ON OUT OF A GIRL.

5. My friend. He died. I do not want to discuss it. But I will say he was a wonderful, direct, often offensive, and fantastically wonderful person and I’m sad at the thought that he is no longer here. The “i’ll never hug that person again” stuff gets me. He  was particularly wonderful at hugging. Most people really aren’t. I’m not. Not compared to him, anyway.

6. Thank God for the enforceable nature of legal arrangements, for that can be motivational.

7. I am not nearly as concerned about the cost of gas or food or electricity. It’s a beautiful thing, being able to pay one’s bills, AND AN EXTERMINATOR, THANK YOU, FINALLY, OH MY GOSH. To be able to repay family members. To be able to paint Caden-8yr’s room and to not worry about who is calling.

8. I know who is calling now. The ONLY person who calls on the land line is someone with some mental retardation issues and he always asks for someone who happens to share the name of Mike’s first wife. This guy calls all the time. He has called all the time for… 2 years? Yeah, I think so. Sometimes I talk to him about who he is and what he wants out of his life and why he keeps calling and he knows I’ll never say that she’s here. But sometimes I see it’s him and make a screaming sound and then ignore the ringing phone.

9.  This guy is fascinating to me, in his persistence. He has YET to give up after years of the same answer. He just keeps calling. I wonder if he’s just  a little slow or if he’s full on stalker-ish of this girl. He always sounds SO disappointed when I say that he has the wrong number and he realizes he isn’t going to get to talk with her. And then again. In five minutes.

10. I should have changed my phone number when I moved.

11. Maybe I should tell him that my almost ex-husband was married to that girl FIRST before he was married to me and then I could give him that number.

12. Maybe I won’t do that. Maybe things are REAL BAD already without my doing that.

13. Ethan-12yr just complained that Seth-7yr punched him in the nuts. I said, “you do not have nuts.” To which Caden-8yr replied, “mom. it’s a PHRASE.”

14. “Yes, Caden-8yr, I am aware of that. And it is an incorrect phrase. Tell me the correct word, please, that you learned in That Book.”

15. He said something I cannot possibly spell, but it was probably a contraction between testicles and icicles. More than 3 syllables. A lot more than 3 syllables. It sounded… cold.

16.  I went to church with HolyCousin when I visited her. LOVED it.

17. Except.

18. One minor thing.

19. I suppose everyone does communion differently. I don’t know. I haven’t attended many different churches or kinds of churches. I was studying their procedure though, and then SURPRISE there’s an usher from behind, like, WAY before I was through studying the people ahead of me. Who has social anxiety….? OH YES, that’s me.

20. So I wasn’t READY when the usher came up from behind and offered the tiny little cups of grape juice and you don’t take them and hold them and then drink all at once in a little bit…. you do that rightthatsecond while he stands there and then you put that little cup BACK in the tray and then he moves on.

21. Riiiiight. That’s not that difficult.

22. Except that I got thoroughly confused and picked up an almost empty one and drank it -because he’s waiting – and then put it back and realized it was almost empty because that was somebody’s Backwashed Holy Spit Grape Juice I just drank and not a, like, NEW one.

23. Oops.

24. I didn’t spit it out. I did look around at the people behind me and wonder who I had just gotten a little too intimate with and hoped that they weren’t sick.

25. If you’re at one of those churches (and it was lovely, aside from this): I think there should be a system in place. Like, take a cup from the MIDDLE, put it on the outer edges. Or something. Not just all willy nilly, let’s maybe get free and easy with germs at communion time and pick up any cup and put it back anywhere. Communion should be about the amazingly awe inducing sacrifice made by Jesus Christ for each of us… and when it instead becomes about backwash, it’s a problem. ALSO? DRINK IT ALL. Do NOT leave yours half empty (it’s the size of a thimble ANYWAY) and there won’t be any problems. No one likes grape juice, THAT’S NOT THE POINT, drink it all ANYWAY.

26. I didn’t get sick. Everything was fine. GREAT church.

27. I chased a woman down in a mall to ask her about her boots. They were really cute.

28. HolyCousin tried to explain how great that was and that was totally a social interaction. But? Whatever. It’s not. I have no problem chasing women down and discussing footwear. That doesn’t count.

29. Of course I’m not getting those boots. I’m celebrating with paying my own utilities this month, not with boot purchases any time soon. I’m like that. But old habits are hard to break, and I knew I’d never forget those boots if I didn’t ask, and they’d haunt me forever.

30. They were Vince Camuto “Bollo.” 

31. CUTE!

32. Titus Welliver. Geez. No, that had nothing to do with anything. I think I got distracted by #31 and that’s just where I went with it.

33. i need to make dinner. THERE IS FOOD. There is energy to like, do stuff with food. Seriously. Life is looking up.

34. I baked a CAKE the other night. SHUT UP, I DID. Gluten free rum cake for a sick friend who is GF and likes rum. It was a variation on a cake my stepmom made 20 years ago that I still remember and loved and she made it for me at Christmas and WOW was it good.  There were witnesses. That I baked something. The other night.

35. Unfortunately one of those witnesses was Duke, who walked around and acted all shifty and nervous until I snapped at him that “YES. SOMETIMES I COOK. GO SIT DOWN. ALSO? WHY DON’T YOU ACT LIKE THAT WHEN SOMEONE IS AT THE DOOR WANTING TO BUY CRACK? THAT WOULD BE SOOOOOO MUCH MORE HELPFUL THAN WHINING TO MY MOTHER THAT I HAVE A MEASURING CUP.”

36. I love that dog. I really do.

 

~hm

13 Comments on “It’s a List and It’s Long”

1
Sara
January 8th, 2013
6:05 am

I’m glad you love me anyway. :)
And I’m sorry about your friend.

2
Geekwif
January 8th, 2013
12:22 pm

I used to go to a church that did communion that way. Always chose my cup very carefully. But that was better than when I first started going there and they used one big cup that got passed from person to person and just wiped with a white napkin in between. Eewww.

Cute boots! But the price. Wow. My only boots are an approximately 15-year-old pair of Doc Martens that are in remarkably good shape and which I still sort of love, but I feel like it’s time for me to get some grown up boots. Problem is I’m cheap … and boots are not.

You baked! I’m so proud of you! And I SO want to know how to make rum cake. Are you willing to share your recipe?
Geekwif recently posted..Christmas at Grandma’s House

3
Jan
January 8th, 2013
4:20 pm

You baked a cake. YOU. Kelsey. Baked. a. cake. Okay, now I know you are truly in recovery mode. First, you ate meat. Then you baked a cake. Yay for you! and now that you have been able to hire an exterminator, and you did NOT spit out the grape juice backwash, I can step back to just praying for you a few times a day, instead of constantly. ;)
Jan recently posted..Christmas Is Coming

4
melissa
January 8th, 2013
7:06 pm

wow. it was a long list. Not too impressed with the baking unless I can sample.

Titus who? I had to google it. He looks constipated.

I think you should post the phone dude’s number on a hot pink sticky and put it on the front door – tell them he is the new contact number. Maybe he will get so busy selling drugs he will leave you alone.

communion – hmm. I think I will pass on commenting on this one.

I am so glad you aren’t dead broke. I am doing dave ramsey. Well, Im not doing him, I am doing his plan. Im broke, or at least most of my envelopes are.

Guess what? I might be moving to Tyler. Pray for Gods will. Way better pay but we would have to move everyone. Thats a lot of people.

God bless you girl.

5
Kelsey
January 8th, 2013
11:20 pm

Sara,
thank you. : )

GW,
I USED TO GO TO A WHITE NAPKIN CHURCH TOO! They wiped the cup that EVERYONE drank from, but get this? it was only at the Christmas Eve service. We got all communal and share-y for Christmas and the rest of the year we weren’t. And you KNOW that white napkin did NOTHING. I’m sure it wasn’t dipped in bleach first. So why bother? so you’re not wearing everyone’s lipstick? UGH. methodists. (I have nothing against Methodists. Well, except that. if in fact it was an Icky Methodist Thing.)

Boots. I’m a boot stalker. i get the name and the brand and I file it away in my mind and then I wait… and I wait… and then i get them for dirt cheap because someone is stupid enough to sell them on ebay in the middle of summer for nothing. And I’m there. Waiting. THAT is how you get whatever boots you want without the guilt. GO GEEKWIF. You can do it. (also, pick whatever you want NOW, try them on NOW in stores, then make a note in your calendar for summer. you’ll love them so much more.)

Baking. Does it count if it’s a cake recipe that actually calls for a cake mix? because some people are snobby like that and do not consider that real baking. If so, and if by ‘my recipe’ you mean the recipe my stepmom used that i think came out of a Redbook in the 1990s, then YES. I shall share. Soon.

Jan,
WELL THANK YOU!!! Yes. I do feel like I graduated somehow, and you picked right on up on that. : ) One day the meat thing just didn’t make sense. And the diet coke thing. And for awhile I was gluten free too. And then BAM I was fine. And a friend said, “oh. you don’t NEED to control those things anymore.” !?!? RIGHT ?! So true.
Now I drink a diet coke if I want one when I’m out, but I do not stock the fridge. If I want meat… eh. Okay. And wheat…? Sure. All my rules are gone. thank you for those prayers. It’s been an ugly road. I needed every one of them. Thank you. It’s getting better. Slowly.

Melissa,
One thing I like about you is that I can NEVER predict what you’ll say. About anything. FUNNY girl.

He looked constipated…? In every picture, or just one? I have no idea what to say about that except… well. maybe he was. I do not presume anything about other’s regularity issues. but if you still don’t get it, I’m not surprised. my bizarre crushes never made sense to anyone. unless you ALSO had a thing for the gray bearded Oak Ridge Boy when you were 5. And then, hey! you get it!

Dave Ramsey. good job. On… all of that. i’m not quite there yet – the $ part. i’m still in the ‘just figuring out the basics’ stuff. like… if someone gives you a check and it bounces, your life can be screwed up for months and it’s expensive and you have to totally MAKE SURE stuff clears and a ton of other stuff like that. I’m new at this. Money management or knowledge or access was not in my previous existence. Weird, right? But I’m learning now. (and? if that whole bouncy check thing happens i’m not being unreasonable to expect that check amount to be replaced, right? It’s not enough that the act of handing over a check was there? Because reality is a weird place sometimes and I feel like the new kid to the game that doesn’t quiiiiite know all the rules yet but is pretty sure she’s being played every chance she accidentally gives.)

Tyler… that’s kinda FAR from your current location. Will pray. Gladly. I think i might be on your way from there to there. So. Maybe you’ll just have to stop by. : )

6
Geekwif
January 9th, 2013
5:26 am

Not a cake mix/recipe snob, and that’s exactly what I meant by “your recipe”. :)

Also, definitely going to try the boot thing. Thanks for the tip! I never buy shoes on ebay because my feet are weird and hard to fit, but I never thought about trying them on somewhere first. I may have to schedule a DSW run soon.
Geekwif recently posted..Christmas at Grandma’s House

7
Jan
January 9th, 2013
9:56 am

If somebody gives you a check, go to their bank and cash it immediately. If it’s hot, go to the D.A. (district or county attorney) and file charges. Immediately. If the check is no good, the person has not paid you. He just gave you a worthless piece of paper.
When Wick had his own a.c. business, this is how we handled it.
Jan recently posted..Christmas Is Coming

8
Kelsey
January 9th, 2013
11:12 am

GW,
OH GOOD.

Dsw – if you do this, take precautions and tell yourself you are ONLY researching, not buying. And if crap like ‘triple point’ stuff matters… dont’ go on those days. This isn’t a problem for me but years ago i caved and bought at FULL price and then saw them two months later on ebay for a fourth of what i paid and it still bothers me. STILL. Be strong.

Jan,
SERIOUSLY?! WHAT? That sounds so…. harsh. So…. tough. i think I like it. I mean… i had no idea. HUH.

totally filing that info away about wick. i’m thniking i’ll need ac help as soon as it warms up. (I kNOW. I KNOW you should ask the landlord to pay for the exterminator. And fix the a/c. but it seems so…. needy? so dependent? so…. i should be doing that myself and i hate to bother anyone or complain or ask for crap? ANYWAY.)

9
melissa
January 9th, 2013
6:38 pm

constipated in this picture —-> http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0920038/

The biggest one. either that or he smells something funny.

I did have a crush on an oakridge boy, just not the long gray bearded guy, I liked this guy ___> http://oakridgeboys.com/about/about/richard-sterban because of his oh-so-deep voice. I’m still a sucker for that.

I don’t have crushes anymore because men are assholes no matter how you dress them up. Might as well not kid myself.

10
Jan
January 10th, 2013
10:34 am

I assume you have a contract or rental agreement with your landlord. you, as the tenant, agree to keep the property clean and in good condition. However, it is the responsibility of the landlord to take care of maintenance, which includes fixing the a/c if it needs fixing. That is not being needy or dependent. It is being a good steward of your own resources. Don’t pay for something that someone else is supposed to take care of. Use that money for utilities, groceries, clothes, or taking your boys somewhere fun.
Here is my apology. The Bible says older women should teach younger women, but if I am being bossy or interfering, tell me so. Somehow I feel sort of mothery or sisterly toward you, and I may be overstepping my boundaries.
Jan recently posted..Christmas Is Coming

11
Kelsey
January 10th, 2013
11:15 pm

Melissa,
I adore you. And I disagree with pretty much everything you said there.
(Hello? Constipation never looked so good.)

I can’t go with the all men are… thought because i’m devoting my life to raising three wonderful future men who will not be that. you know? That being said, i think men are like camels. They’re probably useful and interesting, but it’s better to stay out of spitting distance. Unless they come EXTREMELY highly recommended by multiple reliable sources, and when was the last time that was true of any camel? And also, i’d never believe a camel who said he loved me. Just sayin. I think it really translates directly to: “hey, I want something.”

jan,
no apology needed. you’re right. and i KNOW all of it…. and you’re just SO right. But i have weird self worth crap that comes up in that exact way and i just can’t bring myself to do the whole expected tenant, therefore wiser steward thing. I’m working on it.
Thank you. : )

12
Jenn Sullivan
January 13th, 2013
12:27 am

I love your list I really do, and I am sorry I haven’t read more often. If I did then I would probably be a much better friend when we text and not be so out of the loop. I will do better. I also want to say about the pink sticky notes that it was an awesome idea! YAY!!!
Jenn Sullivan recently posted..Restarting 2013

13
Jenn Sullivan
January 13th, 2013
12:32 am

P.S. Can I have your gluten free rum cake recipe please? I am so proud of you for baking a gluten free cake. I don’t even usually do that.
Jenn Sullivan recently posted..Restarting 2013

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