Some of this won’t make sense. That’s fine. There’s some of it that doesn’t even make sense to me. (thank you, Seth-7yr)

 

1. I spent much of the day looking for someone else’s cat.

2. I’m catsitting the cat.

3. Okay, not very well.

4. She’s an outdoor cat, but normally easy to find.

5. I wanted to take her to the vet for an ear issue, and had three DIFFERENT vet appointments that I had to keep calling and canceling and saying, “Um… I’m SO  sorry. I still haven’t found her.”  So I missed a 10:45, a 2:30 and a 4:30. The cat showed up at 8.

6. She’s REALLY cute. Her ears are REALLY not.  I’ll take her first thing Monday.

7. I know my neighbors well enough to be their not so great catsitter already. WHAT?! I know. It’s crazy.

8. I SO heart Greg Abbott and his glorious minions! YAY!  THANK YOU! Significant things changed overnight when his office became involved.

9. There was a RAGING crazy game of dodgeball in the hallway today at home between Caden-8yr and Seth-7yr. Lots of smack talking. Lots of loudness. Injuries. Laughing.

10. Somewhere in the middle of that, Seth-7yr yells, “I GOT A WHITE MAMA!!”

11. An inquiry was immediately launched. I am quick to ferret out any beginnings of prejudice of any kind and calmly discuss. I have been known to be overzealous.

12. And that was not the case here.

13. Although I don’t really know what the case REALLY is, I do know what it is not.

14. Seth-7yr calmly explained that in “old fashioned words” I would have been called white even though my skin is not really white but it is also not brown or black. He pointed out that he was describing my skin when he said that.

15. “Um. Yes. I get that. But why yell, ‘I GOT A WHITE MAMA’ right before you throw a ball as hard as you can at your brother?”

16. Seth-7yr sighed, pointed to my arm, and said, “Because I DO.”  And then he went back to his game.

17. I do not understand.

18. Feeling rather February style extra pale, though, thanks.

19. If you type searches into that box over there on the side? I can see it. No one else can. But I can, if I bother to check.

20. And I’ve had enough.

21. It’s been…. 6 or 7 years…? I’m DONE.

22. I know your name, I know where you live, and I know what completely non-sexual thing that is your fetish that interests you and I do NOT welcome your online presence here. You check in every once in awhile to see if I’ve written about it again. I HAVE NOT. I WILL NOT.

23. Never have you before searched anything else. But this time there was a LOT of interest in my personal life and specifically my divorce. And that is why I address you almost directly now. I’m done. Go away.

24. I believed you all those years ago when you had some bizarre work research project on this exact subject and needed someone to discuss it over the phone ‘for research purposes.’ 

25. I wondered why if this was your job you sounded so nervous and weird. AND YEAH – YOU DID.

26. It clicked. Finally. After I hung up and realized I had just answered all your endless questions about something SO INCREDIBLY BORING and then I got just how dumb that had been of me.  That is why you did not get my personal information when you asked so you could send me a thank you card. That is all so very CREEPY.

27. It’s been a long time. It’s been long enough.

28. I will not threaten you, embarrass you, or out you in any further way. Only you will recognize yourself in what I’ve just written. So take a deep breath, be glad for that, and just go away. I’ve been patient. And now I’m done.

29. Safety Levels are high here. And I like it. I will fight for safety from roaches (we’re at 99%!!), drug buyers, and any other perceived threat of any kind, EVERY time.

30. So. Watch out. I hear Seth-7yr has a WHITE MAMA!!!  Whatever that means.

31. The dogs have not adjusted well to my new work schedule. It bothers the kids. But Duke has taken it the hardest.

32. He needs his stay at home dog mama. Stupid as that sounds.

33. He is a delicate flower, that beautiful chocolate-y dog. Not only does he need grain free, organic food for his sensitive skin, but he’ll freak if he gets near water by accident, and he’s allergic to grass.

34. So. I went to work and the dog had to go outside.

35. You see the problem, right? There is GRASS outside.

36. His paws swelled with a horrific allergic reaction and he could barely walk and not run at all. He hobbled, limped, and hopped.  He really needed his stay at home mama, ow.

37. I took him to the vet and he was put on steroids and benadryl and he began a strict routine of being taken to my mother’s house during my work hours so that he could be a supervised, indoor delicate flower of an animal still. Doggy day care. Camp Grandmother.

38. Callie attends, too. They have it sweet over there. No undue outdoorsiness for those two. No bothersome blades of grass between their canine toes. No excessive contact with nature. Just a clean home with lots of places to nap.

39. He’s improving. His paws are healing. Camp Grandmother is a great place.

40. Seth-7yr does hear all sorts of odd things he retains and then spits out, without comprehension. Now that I think about it.

41. We were on the way to school the other morning and he asked, “Mom, would it be okay with you if I said [and here his voice changed completely, but he was still speaking and not singing]: I’m sexay and i know it and I’m not afraid to show it. Ahhh, look at that body. Ahhhh, look at that body. I work oooooout?”

42. “Thank you for asking! NO, I do not think that is appropriate, but I do appreciate the question!”

43. I looked over at Ethan-12yr in the seat next to me, and he gave me the big sideways eyes right back.

44. “Uh… where did you hear that song?”

45. “SONG? I was not singing. Someone at school said it.”

46. Ah.

47. And… Huh.

48. That is WEIRD.