Wednesday, April 17th 2013
The Bear Butt and the Totally Nekkid Butt-Ox

The Underwear Thievery solution has not worked well. I said I’d let you know how it goes. i said I was optimistic.

I was wrong. 

The boys so enjoy the process of adjudicating Underwear Thievery issues that the behavior has actually INCREASED and now constantly there are even MORE accusations and consequences and discussions and crimes than there previously were. Who knew? I should have made it less interesting. Less rewarding. I’ll tweak it.

From Jeana, on Underwear Thievery Issues:

“I thought these kind of arguments would stop when they got older, but recently i broke up a fight that started because someone sat on someone else’s bed naked, ‘with a bare butt, Mom!’ We need bare butt court.”

CAREFUL. Make bare butt court really NOT FUN. That’s what we’ve learned, I think.

Just hours after Jeana left that comment on the previous post, THE EXACT scenario played out here. Even stranger, because no one has ever lodged this particular complaint before in this home. VERY surreal.

One exception though, is that no one here says “bare” or “butt.” No one says butt because I’m weird like that and we have to say Butt-ox, it’s a compound word, yaknow.

Also, no one says ‘bare’ because it confuses Seth-7yr.

If you mention your ‘bare arms’ or your ‘bare feet’ or your ‘bare butt’ EVERY SINGLE TIME Seth-7yr will stop the conversation and question at length why you have ‘bear arms’ or ‘bear feet’ or a bear butt’ when you are not, in fact, a bear.

It gets tedious. (And I try to avoid any cue that has a child sincerely look at me and say, “you have a BEAR butt? WHAT?” and “NO I DO NOT.” Also, it derails Caden-9yr into discussing his natural bear-like furriness, a nonexistent quality that he obsesses over and before you know it you’ve spent ten minutes assuring a relatively hairless child that he is indeed NORMAL and un-furred.)

So in our house the other night Caden-9yr starts screaming that Seth-7yr has sat on his bed not with a “bear butt,” or a “bare butt,” but with a “TOTALLY NEKKID BUTT-OX.”

Which is the same complaint as made in Jeana’s home, but with a slightly different visual cue, amiright? I’m picturing a large hairless ox type creature, perched on the edge of Caden-9yr’s bed. i go in there and Seth-7yr is not just sitting on his bed. He’s making sure his totally nekkid buttoxen is ALL over the bed, since it got such a great reaction from his brother.

I told him to stop being obnoxious and to get in the shower and told Caden-9yr to change his sheets, because he HAD been alarmingly, um, thorough.

And, ew.

They’re so STRANGE, these particular children. Wonderful, but so very very strange.






3 Comments on “The Bear Butt and the Totally Nekkid Butt-Ox”

April 18th, 2013
3:56 pm

Oh I love this! Ok, now I’m going to recommend initialing the underwear tags with a Sharpie. I didn’t say that before because underwear court sounded fun, but apparently not. (And I didn’t used to allow the b word either, but when they hit that transition between kid and adult I started choosing my battles.) and now I’m off to plan what other events I can call into being by commenting on your blog. RAIN MONEY.

April 20th, 2013
10:46 am

“They’re so STRANGE, these particular children. Wonderful, but so very very strange.”

Considering that these are *your* children, does that surprise you? JK, you know I love you!
Jan recently posted..Trim Healthy Mama: a book review

April 20th, 2013
11:02 pm

Hahaha. We also have nekkid butt issues… I guess it comes with the territory when you have a house full of boys. But things don’t seem quite as interesting here! :)

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