Friday, May 10th 2013
Still Angry at the Bird

The Damn Bird did not die.

It lived. Like, the bird was FINE. The bird was a total FAKER and had no impairments of any kind. It was probably just messing with its overprotective mama bird when it took the drama a little too far.

“No, mama bird, i cannot fly. I am too tired. Here. I think I will hop on this blond child’s finger and pretend i am a Disney bird just to watch you FREAK ON OUT over there on the fence. I’m fiiiine. You know it. I know it. But these people don’t know it and are already scurrying for  a shoe box and a heating pad and a prayer circle. THIS IS FUN.”

I’m pretty sure that’s what happened.

THEN what happened is I stayed up ALL night with that bird. I fed it cat food through a straw. Every HOUR. I held on to the cat to keep him away and then i locked him out of my bedroom and then listened to the cat freak out all night after that. I checked the heating pad temperature all night.

When a baby bird looks at you through a clear plastic cup cockpit you have taped to a shoebox and OPENS WIDE ITS BABY MOUTH, let me tell you something. You practically remember how to lactate. I’m not kidding. It is POWERFUL, that sight.  I was mad and exhausted  but when that bird opened its little beak asking for more cat food and I totally jumped into action every single time, crooning, “oooohmygosh you sweet little baby, are you hungry? here I come, yum yum yum, come on, baby, eat.”

All night.

The next morning I was snapping at the kids and getting them off to school and they were like, “WHOAH. WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU?”

“I stayed up all night with the BIRD you shouldn’t have touched in the first place and YOU slept like babies, be quiet, do not EVEN talk right now, my eyes are killing me.”

After the school run, I got the shoebox and took it outside. Figured I’d let the bird look around and get re-oriented. I opened the lid and the big old faker about KNOCKED ME OVER with his haste to fly his little bird butt straight up to the nest.

He knew exactly where he was, and how to fly. He’d been babied and fed cat food all night long and was more than ready to get home to his mama.

I probably shoulda been pleased. I was not.

Ungrateful, manipulative bird.

The boys got in the car and asked how he was and I related the story of his miraculous recovery.

They named him Survivor.

I think other names might be more applicable, but okay, whatever. Master of Avian Deception is hard to remember anyway.



3 Comments on “Still Angry at the Bird”

May 10th, 2013
11:23 am

One of your best ones, yet!

May 13th, 2013
5:37 pm

Naw I’m with you. Master of Avian Deception is an awesome name. I still can’t believe you stayed up and fed the bird all night.

Wait – yes I can. Sucker ;-)
Mysti recently posted..Celebration Now – Come On!

May 15th, 2013
2:00 pm

AW…. texasaggiemom!

I am SUCH that. Uuuuugh. no argument.

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