Saturday, June 29th 2013
2 Women Walk Into a Grocery Store….

A friend cut my hair last night. I did NOT make it easy. I had my first ever wine cooler beforehand. ¬†Strawberry. It was a disturbingly vibrant red. And then it was gone. And then I couldn’t sit up.

She did a great job trimming it anyway. She doesn’t really cut hair. But if I flatiron my hair completely and wear a horizontally striped shirt, she can line up my hair with a stripe and cut it really evenly. Better, if I’m totally and completely sober and can actually manage the workings of my spine and neck. But apparently that’s not required.

Same friend and I went to a grocery store i don’t like recently. It’s all organic and natural and I don’t know but you just feel like you should maybe throw on some birkenstocks in order to buy your produce there and it makes me rather uncomfortable. This is west texas. So it’s a weird vibe.

When we go there together, I always feel like I suddenly appear to be this friend’s really butch girlfriend. Like, it’s SO much completely and exactly like that and I just assumed it was this unspoken but weird thing we were both aware of but chose not to acknowledge in the pursuit of good vegetables.

The last time we were there, I only bought one thing (freeze dried green beans, on HolyCousin’s recommendation, naaaaaaasty they taste like grasshoppers, EW). The sacker wandered off so I sacked all of my friend’s groceries and took out the bags. She was like, “uh? I can get some of those.” And I shrugged her off and struggled with ALL the bags and started talking about something else and then she said something like that again when we got to her car, and I was all, “Yeah, i think it’s that whole butch girlfriend thing I lapse into when we’re here that had me sack your stuff and carry it all for you.”

Okay, I TOTALLY thought she knew what I was talking about.

She gave me a really weird look.

And… maybe not.

Then her eyes got all big and she realized what I’d said.


I explained. “It’s something about the way that store feels. Like I’ve turned into a lesbian hippie and you’re my pretty girlfriend or something, i mean, what? you don’t think so too? that’s why I never want to go here with you. the atmosphere confuses my sexuality or something. i thought we were on the same page–”



“SOOOOooOOOOo self conscious now, I canNOT BELIEVE… WHAT?!”


Yeah okay.

Sometimes you can assume you know exactly what the other person is thinking and you’re in it together. And be completely wrong. And sometimes it’s funny.

And other times it’s not.

Other times it rips you open years later in the middle of the night and you wonder how you lost someone you absolutely adore and always will.

Sometimes, it’s like THAT.


4 Comments on “2 Women Walk Into a Grocery Store….”

July 1st, 2013
4:40 pm

I don’t like stores like that either. We went to Whole Foods once, and I had sensory overload for the rest of the day.
Too bad you and your friend were not psychopathic–I mean empathic–no, that’s not it either–you know what I mean–reading each other’s thoughts–you would not have had to go to that store more than once ;)

July 1st, 2013
10:35 pm

I’m trying to imagine a world where anyone considers you butch. It does not compute.

July 2nd, 2013
9:13 am

Right!!!? I think WF is like ikea…. They want u to get lost in there. Yuck.

The transformation around the all organic, no chemicals stuff is frightening. My walk changes. Talk changes.

I mean, SCARY. I need to shop around a lot of preservatives.

July 12th, 2013
1:36 pm

Okay, I have to admit I kind of like Whole Foods. Mostly because the one where we used to shop had a Jamba Juice inside and I lurrrve me some Jamba Juice. Also, regarding the butch thing? What Jeana said. You may feel that way, but I highly doubt anyone else notices it.

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