Thursday, June 6th 2013
It’s Easy: Don’t Make Me Scream

Within hours of that last post, Claude (who I think is actually on vacation somewhere) contacted me with a request.

He wants to be left off this blog, and all hints of him left off this blog. I should not use him as a source, as the kids do so many amazing things I should just write about all that.

I take requests around here seriously.

But anyone will tell you that you do NOT tell me what to write about and what not to write about. You do NOT control me by telling me I am not a ‘godly woman’ if I do not adequately protect another person’s flawed image from any and all inspection.  (excuse me, correction, but not ANYMORE). You do not tell me that I should not say anything to the kids. THAT’S KINDA NOT REALISTIC.

The KIDS, I might add, are having a lot of fun pretending to be me looking at a credit card statement and then SHRIEKING and bugging their eyes out and yelling, “NOooOOOO!!  He did NOT do that again!!?!??? NOooOOOOOoOOOOO!?”

SO. I THINK AN EXPLANATION WAS IN FACT, WARRANTED.  It did at least make them temporarily stop re-enacting the Moment of Shock and allow a good opportunity to discuss the importance of always checking one’s statements for errors.

Pretty much a good way to get mentioned here is to make me scream. If I scream, I kinda need to tell the internet about it. I screamed yesterday also. My mom’s cat was to blame. This is an equal opportunity blog, and so I WILL TELL YOU about that also. Not because my life revolves around a cat. Not because I need him as a ‘source’ for writing material. Just because that is kinda how it works here. STUFF HAPPENS? I SCREAM? IT’S BLOGGED. So don’t make me scream. It’s not hard.

An excellent way to go UNmentioned here on this anonymous blog would be to go on with your own life and vacations and do not make decisions that negatively impact my or my children’s finances, schedules, credit, or make any silly demands of us and our ability to think or speak that limit our worth or freedom in this world and do not make me scream. I FIND THAT ALL PRETTY EASY. PERSONALLY. BUT THAT’S JUST ME.  For Claude and my mom’s cat, not so much this week.

Maybe don’t text me from a vacation somewhere and tell me what I should and shouldn’t say to whom and where and why even if it is true, because then you won’t think I’m godly enough.

BECAUSE. THAT. IS. BIZARRE.

I think I actually care more about how godly my mother’s CAT thinks I am.

Wait.

No.

Yes.

YES.

I DO.

I CARE MORE ABOUT THE OPINION OF MY MOM’S CAT.

Ladies, none of us answer to Claude. Isn’t that a great thing? We will never have his approval as a Proverbs 31 perfect women. We will never measure up. We have too many feelings and thoughts and words that conflict with, like, everything. We are terribly inconvenient like that. BUT DO NOT FEAR!

There is God.

ONLY His opinion matters. Don’t let Claude confuse you for even a second.

And with God, we do measure up. His amazing love and grace covers us and surrounds us and we can be exactly who we really are. God is not threatened by our ability to think, feel, believe, blog, or get upset with stuff. SHUT UP, but He kinda LIKES that about us and designed us that way. When Claude’s standards are unrealistic, take heart and remember how irrelevant that is, because it is MUCH easier to please God. Much more rewarding. Much more, I don’t know, worthwhile and relevant.

And He NEVER rents cars in Albuquerque with other people’s credit cards. God just WOULDN’T.

Neither does my mother’s cat.

I have issues with this cat. I admit it. But because my mother adores him and because he really is a nice cat sometimes, I choose to overlook his flaws most of the time and it’s not like I’m married to him and it’s really not a big deal. But, as with anyone – if you make me scream, it’s blogged.

Yesterday the boys and I were sitting around mom’s table with her, playing Apples to Apples. We took the dogs. They were asleep on the floor. I wanted black rice and brussel sprouts for lunch (YUM), but hadn’t started on it yet.

The cat gets on the table, comes over to me, and BITES my left boob. I mean, ATTACK. Like, teeth. Like, the cat totally ‘latched on’ to use breastfeeding terms. No warning. Just, BAM. And now there’s a cat attached to my chest.

I screamed. I threw my cards. The cat let go. I grabbed the cat spitty part of my shirt and yelled WHAT WAS THAT?! And three boys looked on in amazement, much as they had the previous day when I’d started screaming.

Mom said, “Uh….. I could see it coming. I knew it was going to happen… but there was just nothing i could do! you have long hair. I think he was going for your hair and he just… missed.”

Um…. WHAT?

The cat glared at me, all wild eyed with his ears flattened back. I did my best to give him the same look. He left.

Apples to Apples continued.

The word was “Emotional.”

Caden-9yr chose the card, “At My House.” Then he went on to explain, “it was really EMOTIONAL at my house when [this really special person] died. And it was emotional when [this really special dog at my grandparents' house] died. And also when dad used mom’s credit card.*”

My mom said, “YES, OKAY. GOOD ONE.” And smiled encouragingly and let him know we all got the picture.

It IS emotional at this house. We’re figuring it all out. We’re getting through it. We scream and we laugh and we cry and we pray and we talk about the stuff that is ACTUALLY going on and what it does and does not mean and we just LIVE. And then we may write about it. Or not. But it’s all okay. We get to do this. We get to live and think and feel and say.

I’m so grateful.

And then after all of that I made brussel sprouts and black rice and the kids were sure that Duke was having gas issues, but i think it was just the delicious smell of bruseel sprouts that they didn’t recognize. So Mom and I giggled and ate while the boys fanned the air and falsely accused the sleeping dog. We tried to explain. But it was SO bad they didn’t believe us.

It’s okay. That’s their opinion.

 

*still working on figuring it out. there’s a slim chance it’s an old charge from when Claude was doing that sort of thing LAST year after he moved out and it only just now showed up. still not okay. he wasn’t supposed to move out and then run up charges on my card, on which he was not an authorized user, and then not pay the bill.  but maybe it’s not recent, despite it just now making an appearance, and i suppose that IS notable. Maybe he’d NEVER do that sort of thing THIS year. Who knows? Whatever.

 

 

~hm

6 Comments on “It’s Easy: Don’t Make Me Scream”

1
sara r
June 6th, 2013
9:36 am

You go, girl! That’s for the: There is God. ONLY His opinion matters. part.

For the Brussels sprouts part, have you ever tried these — deeelicious!

http://lifestylethreesixfive.com/2012/10/19/recipe-roasted-brussels-sprouts-with-garlic-aioli/

I’m spooked by the cat part. It taps into childhood memories of what was probably a psychotic cat. . .

2
Mysti
June 6th, 2013
10:38 am

I’m trying to absorb the idea that Claude is under the impression that he has *any* say whatsoever in your life now. That’s just…bizarre. Huh.

I adore cats – but I’m pretty sure that I would not adore one that bit me on the boob. I also can’t get the image of a cat latched onto your boob, swingin’ around while you scream out of my head. Last but not least, I also can’t stop laughing about the image. I’m sorry. I’m a bad friend.

Now contemplating running by United on the way home to grab brussels sprouts for supper.
Mysti recently posted..Gonna Fly Now

3
texasaggiemom
June 6th, 2013
12:21 pm

Tell Claude to take a flying leap. Goodness! The arrogance of some people! If you don’t to be written about, don’t be a punk!! Easy peasy.

4
JT
June 7th, 2013
6:51 pm

You go girl!!! I was going to write so much more, but then thought better of it!! Totally get the arrogance of this man, even if it was last year!
Sorry for the crap he’s put you through.
The cat…funny love your moms reaction!

5
Jan
June 9th, 2013
12:03 pm

Claude is still trying to dominate your life, isn’t he? What is it about DIVORCED that he just doesn’t get? I think in your position, I would a) sell the house he is living in, just so he can’t keep on screwing with you by being late with his payment, and b) cancel any card he has used without authorization and threaten to file fraud and theft charges if he ever does it again, and c) put some sort of barrier between you and CRAZY CAT! You make me laugh so hard it’s embarrassing! Love you so much!
Jan recently posted..Update: Trim Healthy Mama

6
kelsey
June 10th, 2013
1:27 pm

sara,
that looks REALLY good.

YES. I bet it was definitely a psychotic childhood cat. No question. If that makes you EVEN suspect it, um, YES.

Mysti,
you’re an excellent friend, and it was absolutely a ridiculous image in person as well. I refuse to try to figure out that animal. (the cat)

texasaggiemom,
when you say it like THAT…..? It almost does sound easy peasy!

Thanks JT. and it was a funny mom reaction. “Oh… i could see it was going to happen…..” I mean, REALLY?! You SAW THAT ONE COMING?! That’s so odd.

Jan,
love you too. all of that is often tempting. but it’s…. complicated. VERY. legally, financially, all very complicated. will def weigh all options though. there’s a lot going on that is just NOT acceptable.

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