Friday, July 12th 2013
VENTILATION. That’s What We Have Here.

one Big Rule to blogging:

Be VERY careful and totally absent from the internet when you’re in altered states of being, if at all possible.

 

Now let’s break it.

 

I went to sleep at 1. i’ve been up since 4.

I’m on my 3rd diet coke and my second big handful of baby carrots, because when you are MAD AS HELL then there’s just something great about the loud annoying crunch of carrots echoing through an empty house.

The dogs are exhausted. I’m keeping them awake with all the angry carrot eating.

 

I believe you CHOOSE your moods. You are not a victim of them.

I CHOOSE ANGRY-CARROT-MAD-AS-HELL.

Just so we’re clear.

I CHOOSE ANGRY-CARROT-MAD-AS-HELL BLOGGING. 

 

I also believe you can only control your OWN life and choices.

SO.

It would be worthless to tell Claude to maybe not leave the country for a week with the kids on vacation if he hasn’t caught up on child support. It would be worthless to tell Claude to maybe, I don’t know,  maybe you should catch up on your rent before leaving on an international vacation. It would be RATHER POINTLESS to say hey, ‘MAYBE YOU MAKE SURE THE KIDS GET TO HUG THEIR MAMA GOODBYE AT A BASEBALL GAME BEFORE YOU ZIP AWAY WITH THEM FOR TEN DAYS, IT”S NOT THAT HARD.” (I did say that. He hung up on me. He didn’t like my tone of voice. Called back and said he’d hang up on me again if I spoke to him like that again. Hardly necessary. I asked to talk to Seth-7yr instead so I could congratulate him on a great game and wish them a nice trip.)

 

Claude’s choices are not my choices. They rarely are in the same universe of thought.

I can choose to vent here at 545 when my jaw is killing me from the stupid raw vegetable fixation i have going on, but is that REALLY helping? I don’t know.

You can screw with my finances. You can screw around with lies about me. You can screw with my credit. But when you whisk the kids off without a hug before a long trip…? THAT IS WHEN I LOSE IT.

CONSIDER IT LOST.

YOU ONLY HAVE TO HAVE BARELY MET ME ONCE TO MAYBE KNOW THAT YOU DON”T MESS WITH MY KIDS LIKE THAT.

I’ll spend the next ten days cleaning and painting and working and paying my bills on time because that’s WHAT I DO and hoping that my children MIGHT be able to contact me in some way but WHO KNOWS. Was that ever established? Uh NO. I had to get lawyers involved before I could even get their itinerary.

There might be a lot of ill advised blogging ahead in the next ten days. I MIGHT FEEL SOME ANGRY CHOICES COMING ON, I ADMIT IT. BUT HEY.

THAT”S ABOUT THE WORST THING I DO. I DEPRIVE THE DOGS OF SLEEP WITH MY ANGRY KEY SLAMMING CARROTY MAD INTERNET STUFF.

After stomping around the house praying in a mad voice. And crying and snotting and being like, “I NEED LETTUCE AND A WINE COOLER” and going to the grocery store at 10 o clock last night and ramming my teary self and cart straight into a guy with long hair humming la bamba and apologizing to him but not meaning it because HIS HAIR REALLY ANNOYED ME and anyone can see you don’t get close to the tear stained mama who has no idea how to buy alcohol because she doesn’t drink and she’s screwing even THAT up and you know what?

THAT IS MY UGLY NIGHT. Right here. I own it.

I chose it.

It coulda been worse.

 

It definitely might get worse.

 

 

~hm

10 Comments on “VENTILATION. That’s What We Have Here.”

1
texasaggiemom
July 12th, 2013
8:48 am

Oh, Kelsey! How on earth someone could be that insensitive to you AND the boys is beyond me. And then lecture you when he’s behind on child support and rent? Good grief! Hang in there and take it easy on the carrots.

2
JT
July 12th, 2013
8:53 am

I really don’t get how he can get away without paying rent AND child support, can you turn him?? It’s horrible that Claude is such a jerk when it comes to the boys, I hate it when theirs a parent who acts like their 5 and drags the poor kids into his mess. Shame on him, thought he may have been more mature then that, apparently not!! How dare he do that to his boys, what kind of REAL man does that to his kids?? Not one that loves them that’s for sure, cuz if he did, he would’ve let them say goodbye. He needs to grow up BIG time, I’m so sorry you have to go through this, I’m so sorry they have to go through this. Yes, there’s people who think it takes TWO, but sorry, sometimes it just takes ONE,

3
Tracy
July 12th, 2013
11:00 am

Maybe you & mom could come down for a few days and stay with my mom and we’ll hang out and eat carrots together. I’ll even sneak you a few brach’s caramels under the bed. I think this is the best idea ever. Don’t you?
Tracy recently posted..Shortest Post Ever

4
Geekwif
July 12th, 2013
2:03 pm

I have baby carrots in the fridge. Will crunch a one today in solidarity.

5
Jan
July 13th, 2013
10:57 am

Hmm. Raw carrots when angry. My go-to is chocolate when I am angry, hurt, mad, upset, whatever. But I totally agree with the consensus that Clod is behaving VERY BADLY. Since he is acting like a five year old, someone should treat him as such, and switch his bottom. I know someone who would gladly volunteer for the job. Just say the word…
Jan recently posted..Update: Trim Healthy Mama

6
Melissa
July 13th, 2013
8:48 pm

I am so-so-so sorry you are going through this bullshit. I’m sorry I cussed on your blog, but frankly, there are waaayy worse things I want to say.

I wonder what Mr. Frickin A-Hole Supreme would think if his clients – HIS FINANCIAL CLIENTS – who rely on his SOUND F~$&(%@ FINANCIAL WISDOM – would think if they knew what a class A-douche bag he was?

I will refrain from any more ranting – Kelse – I sure hope you document every phone call, communicate if possible via e-mail or text so you can save a copy for the judge. Document exact dates, times, etc.

That lousy, no good SOB. Wow. I know exactly which financial company NOT to recommend to people in a certain West Texas town. Asshole.

7
Sara
July 14th, 2013
1:14 am

I’m sorry for all Claude is putting you through. :( Hang in there!

8
Inkling
July 14th, 2013
7:25 pm

I don’t comment on here very often, though I do check in and catch up on each post. Perhaps it’s because I’m getting over pneumonia thanks to the help of nasty steroids (who knew they could turn me into an angry person within a week!!!!), or perhaps it’s just because I’m a mama bear too. But geez, there are days when I wish it were legal to hire hit men. Because I would put all my gardening money together and mail it to the nicest one I could find, and then I’d tell him to go get Claude. And he would probably do it for free out of the kindness of his own heart, because he’d quickly see that an amazing mama bear with beautiful boys needed his help. And he’d step in like a knight-in-shining armor and do his thing to rescue you. And you and your sweet and smart boys could be free. And then my prednisone induced state would have been good for something. ;)

(I’m NOT normally this passionate…..at least outloud. But really, people known as Claude should be smart enough to know not to mess with mama bears and their cubs.) Praying for you. (I should probably repent of my thoughts while I’m at it too.)

9
Mysti
July 15th, 2013
2:20 pm

I just want to say I love Jan’s spelling of Clod – whether it was intentional or not. He’s an asshat. And a clod. :-\
Mysti recently posted..I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

10
Jan
July 17th, 2013
9:15 pm

Mysti, totally intentional!
Jan recently posted..Update: Trim Healthy Mama

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